The People You Surround Yourself With Matter More Than You Realize

There is an old saying that you become the average of the five people you spend the most time with. While the number itself is not a hard rule, the principle behind it holds true. The people who surround you influence your thoughts, habits, and even your sense of self more than you might imagine.

What makes this especially important is that it is not about the five people you would like to spend time with. It is about the five people you are actually around the most. These daily influences are shaping you in subtle and powerful ways every single day.

Why Your Inner Circle Shapes You

Human beings are wired for connection. From an evolutionary perspective, belonging to a group meant survival. Because of this, our brains are highly sensitive to the emotions, behaviors, and attitudes of those around us.

Psychologists call this social contagion. It means that moods, habits, and perspectives spread through groups much like a ripple moves across water. If your closest friends are optimistic and supportive, their outlook is likely to lift you. If they are critical, negative, or stressed, you may find yourself absorbing that energy without even realizing it.

Research on mirror neurons shows that we unconsciously mimic the emotions and behaviors of those near us. This is why spending time with calm people helps us feel more grounded, while being around constant stress can raise our own anxiety levels.

The Difference Between Ideal and Actual Circles

It is easy to imagine yourself surrounded by inspiring mentors, uplifting friends, and supportive colleagues. But the real question is: who are you actually spending your time with each day?

Your actual circle might include your co-workers, family members, roommates, or neighbors. Even if they are not people you would choose as your closest influences, their presence still shapes you. If you want to understand why you feel the way you do, look closely at the company you keep most often.

For example:

• If you spend hours each day with colleagues who complain, you may find your own outlook becoming more negative.
• If your closest friends encourage you to chase your dreams, you may feel more confident taking bold steps.
• If the people around you value health, growth, and gratitude, those values naturally become part of your daily rhythm.

How Your Circle Influences Your Growth

1. Mindset and Beliefs
   Beliefs are contagious. When you surround yourself with people who believe in possibilities, your own self-belief grows stronger. On the other hand, being around people who doubt themselves or dismiss new ideas can chip away at your confidence.
2. Habits and Routines
   We tend to mirror the habits of those closest to us. If your friends prioritize exercise and mindfulness, you are more likely to join in. If they cope with stress through unhealthy patterns, you may find yourself drifting in the same direction.
3. Emotional Energy
   Your nervous system responds to the emotional climate around you. Spend time with supportive, grounded people and you feel safe and steady. Spend time with people who are constantly chaotic and your own stress response may stay on high alert.
4. Opportunities and Growth
   Your network often determines the opportunities that come your way. The people in your life introduce you to new ideas, experiences, and connections. A circle that uplifts you creates an environment for growth.

Practical Steps to Assess Your Circle

Take a moment to reflect on the five people you are around the most. Write their names down. Then ask yourself:

• How do I feel after spending time with them? Energized or drained?
• Do they encourage me to be my best self?
• Do they model habits and values that align with my own goals?
• Do they celebrate my wins and support me during challenges?

This exercise often reveals whether your daily influences are helping you thrive or holding you back. Awareness is the first step toward change.

What If You Cannot Choose Your Five

You may not always have control over everyone you spend time with. Co-workers, family members, or living situations can put you around people whose energy does not match where you want to go.

The good news is that you can balance those influences. Even if you must be around certain people, you can intentionally add more positive influences into your circle through books, podcasts, online communities, or short intentional check-ins with supportive friends. The key is to make sure you are not passively absorbing negativity without adding balance.

Building a Supportive Circle

If you want your life to move in a healthier direction, it may be time to intentionally shape your circle. Here are some ways to start:

• Seek out growth-minded people. Join groups or communities that value learning, mindfulness, or well-being.
• Invest in relationships that energize you. Nurture the friendships where you feel inspired and seen.
• Limit time with draining influences. Even small boundaries make a difference, such as shortening conversations that spiral into negativity.
• Be the influence you want to attract. Practice kindness, curiosity, and gratitude. Like attracts like.

Final Thoughts

The people you surround yourself with matter. They shape how you think, feel, and live. It is not the five people you hope to spend time with that influence you most. It is the five you are actually with day after day.

When you choose your circle with intention, you give yourself the gift of growth, encouragement, and peace. And when you cannot fully choose your circle, you can still choose to add voices, practices, and influences that support the person you are becoming.

The question to ask yourself today is simple: Who are my five, and are they helping me rise?

If this resonates with you share it with someone who could use a little love and light today. For more Psyched! blog posts visit drsheenarevak.com. New post every Monday.

My Circle Reset: A Reflection Worksheet

The people you spend the most time with shape your energy, habits, and outlook. Use this worksheet to reflect on your current circle and take intentional steps toward building a supportive environment.

Step 1: Identify Your Five

Write down the names of the five people you spend the most time with in a typical week. Do not choose who you wish it was. Choose who it actually is.

Step 2: How Do They Make You Feel

Next to each name, answer the following:

• How do I feel after being with this person: energized, neutral, or drained?
• Do they encourage me to grow?
• Do their values align with mine?

Example:

• Person A: Energized, supportive, aligned with my goals.
• Person B: Drained, critical, does not value the same things I do.

Step 3: Spot the Patterns

Look over your list. Ask yourself:

• Do most of my five lift me up or pull me down?
• Are there repeating themes, like constant negativity or endless encouragement?
• Which relationships feel like they move me closer to the person I want to become?

Step 4: Balance the Influence

If some of your five are draining but unavoidable (family, co-workers, etc.), how can you balance that influence?

Ideas to try:

• Add in a podcast or audiobook from someone who inspires me.
• Schedule a short check-in with a friend who lifts me up.
• Join a community, class, or group aligned with my values.

Step 5: My Circle Reset Commitment

Write down one action you will take this week to shift your circle in a healthier direction.

• This week I will ________________________________________________

Examples:

• Spend less time with a negative co-worker by eating lunch elsewhere.
• Call a supportive friend once this week.
• Join an online community that shares my interests.

Step 6: Anchor Phrase

Choose a phrase to remind yourself that you are allowed to shape your circle.

Options:

• “I am allowed to choose who I give my energy to.”
• “My circle shapes me, so I choose carefully.”
• “I can balance draining influences with nourishing ones.”

Write your phrase here: __________________________________________

Final Reminder

Your five are not set in stone. By reflecting, balancing, and intentionally choosing who you let close, you can create a circle that supports your growth and well-being.

Share this worksheet with someone who may also need to reset their circle.